In addition to possible innate differences, a new study suggests that there are social factors that make women enjoy sex.
Psychology studies routinely find that women, on average, are less interested in sex than men. They express less sexual desire, want to have fewer sexual partners during their lifetime, and are less open to casual sex compared to men. The reason for this gender difference in sexuality is one of the great debates in psychology today.
Some psychologists argue that this discrepancy in sexual desire is due to innate differences between men and women. According to the evolutionary approach, males can optimize their reproductive fitness by mating with as many females and having as many offspring as possible. Therefore, men should have a high sex drive and be more open to casual sex.
Females, on the other hand, are limited in the number of offspring they can produce. In addition, they are the ones who bear the costs of pregnancy and child rearing. Therefore, they must be demanding with whom they mate, delaying the beginning of sexual relations until they are convinced that the man will stay to help take care of the little ones.
Cultural instinct or imposition
However, other psychologists argue that this discrepancy in sexual desire is due to social factors. Specifically, because we convey different messages to teenage boys and girls about their sexuality. On the one hand, young men are encouraged to be sexually active, and there is greater permissiveness when they act on sexual impulses.
In contrast, girls are told that nice girls don’t show their sexual interest, or even that they shouldn’t have any sexual desires. Girls who show excessive sexual desire are socially humiliated, while sexually active boys are praised.
Women have worse sex than men
As is often the case when it comes to group or individual differences, there is no doubt that both nature and nurture play a role. However, University of Michigan psychologists Terri Conley and Verena Klein argue that there is another reason for the gender difference in sexual desire that psychologists have so far ignored: when men and women have sex, women tend to enjoy less sex. than men. Given that women have worse sex than men, these researchers argue, it’s no wonder women don’t like it as much.
On a article recently published in the journal Perspectives on Psychological ScienceConley and Klein present four reasons why sex isn’t as good for women as it is for men.
The first reason has to do with the anatomical differences between men and women. Boys are taught to hold their penis every time they urinate, so they quickly learn how pleasurable it can be to touch. Girls, on the other hand, don’t need to touch their clitoris in their daily lives, so they’re less likely to discover the pleasure of doing it for themselves. As sexual adults, many women have difficulty achieving orgasm because they are unaware that their clitoris needs to be stimulated, and they may even feel self-conscious about doing so.
When men and women have sex, women tend to like it less than men
Furthermore, the penetrative nature of intercourse makes women much more likely to experience pain than men. And finally, it is women who become pregnant, which is experienced as a burden at best and absolute misery at worst.
The second reason is that women are more likely to be victims of sexual violence than men. Men are generally bigger and stronger than women and tend to be more aggressive, so they are less likely to be victims than women. If you’ve been sexually assaulted, it’s natural to be wary of having sex again, even with a new partner who seems safe.
In fact, fear of safety is a common reason women give for turning down an opportunity for casual sex. While women need to feel safe before they can feel sexual, men can be turned on by potential danger. However, Conley and Klein also speculate that men who have been victims of sexual violence should be as cautious as women when engaging in new sexual relationships.
Double standards and sexual narratives
The third reason has to do with the sexual double standard that pervades our society. Although women today are more sexually liberated than they were 60 years ago, they still receive messages about how a “good girl” should behave. This is true in casual sexual encounters, but even in committed relationships, many women still feel guilt or shame if they have too much fun during sex.
The fourth reason comes from the narratives in our culture for heterosexual behavior. According to this script, the man initiates sex and, if his partner is willing, moves on to foreplay, which focuses primarily on getting his erection. Once achieved, he inserts his penis into the woman’s vagina and penetrates her until orgasm. The woman is expected to reach orgasm somehow during this time as well, although the clitoris is rarely stimulated during penetrative sex.
Both men and women are often unaware of female sexual anatomy and the mechanics of female orgasm.
While there are sexually educated couples who understand how to make sex pleasurable for both of them, many couples think that sex is something she does for him. That is, he has an orgasm and she has the “pleasure” of having pleased him.
According to Conley and Klein, very few couples practice cunnilingus. Even women who are willing to perform oral sex on their partner sometimes feel embarrassed or disgusted to receive it. And yet, without sufficient clitoral stimulation, women are highly unlikely to reach orgasm.
Also, few couples communicate during sex. They think having sex is doing “what comes naturally”, and they consider that talking during this “animal act” is unnecessary or even inappropriate for talking. Furthermore, both men and women are often unaware of female sexual anatomy and the mechanics of female orgasm.
Given that women experience worse sex than men, it’s not surprising that they want less. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Comprehensive, age-appropriate sex education can help new adults understand how to make sexual encounters fun and exciting for both of them. Human beings are by nature highly sexual creatures, and by overcoming the ignorance and misinformation that pervades our society, both men and women can achieve the kind of sexual satisfaction that makes life worth living.
REFERENCE
Women have worse sex: a confusion in explaining gender differences in sexuality
Source: Psychology Today