Ben Stiller candidly details the deep resentment he once held for his father, Jerry Stiller, stemming from how he navigated his mother Anne Meara’s alcoholism. The revelations emerge in Stiller’s new documentary, Stiller & Meara: Nothing Is Lost, which explores his parents’ 61-year marriage and comedic partnership.
“When [my mom] would drink, my dad never really knew how to handle it,” Stiller, 59, explains in the film. He believes his father’s profound love and commitment to Anne, coupled with the importance of their joint act, led him to cope with the issue privately. “I think I held a grudge against him for not acknowledging it to us,” Stiller admits, reflecting on his childhood.
Ben and his sister, Amy Stiller, knew their father loved them immensely. However, it was challenging to witness him sidestep their mother’s alcohol issues while they struggled with the impact. Ben expressed anger at his father for not being present for them, a feeling he says he didn’t fully grasp for a long time.
The documentary, which premiered on Apple TV+ on Friday, October 17, with a wider streaming release on AppleTV beginning October 24, was inspired by Ben and Amy as they prepared to sell their parents’ homes following their deaths in 2015 and 2020, respectively. While largely a celebration of Jerry and Anne’s enduring bond, the film also confronts difficult truths. It delves into the ups and downs of their relationship and explores how Ben’s upbringing influenced his own marriage to Christine Taylor and his parenting of daughter Ella, 23, and son Quin, 20.
Through interviews with family members and never-before-seen archives, Stiller & Meara paints a comprehensive picture. The project incorporates interviews with Ben, Amy, Christine, Ella, and Quin, alongside old public appearances by Jerry and Anne, their love letters, family home videos, and personal audio recordings spanning the Stillers’ lives.
One segment shows Jerry and Anne on a talk show where Anne playfully confesses that Jerry would admonish her for a second drink, saying, “Don’t do that, everything you do reflects on me!” Despite this public minimization, Ben and Christine, 54, attest that Anne was remarkably open about her struggles. She “always recognized her flaws” and never shied away from discussing her alcoholism. Ben states in the documentary that she was “very open with all of that.”
Christine adds that Anne “loved to talk about everything she didn’t do,” particularly regarding motherhood. She would openly discuss her mistakes as a mother and how working often meant missing moments with her children. Christine recalls Anne seeing her as a new mother during chaotic times and reassuring her. This was Anne’s way of making Christine feel good while also acknowledging her own past limitations.
Ben believes many of his mother’s struggles stemmed from feeling “overwhelmed” and unprepared for parenthood. Anne’s own mother died by suicide when Anne was just 11 years old. “What a traumatic fact that was to lose her mom so young, and then when she had Amy and me, she got overwhelmed by it and the pressure of the act,” Ben explains. “It was tough.”
Anne eventually achieved sobriety after processing her mother’s death in therapy. Ben shared this insight during a 2022 episode of Mayim Bialik’s podcast “Breakdown.” He told Bialik, “My mom dealt with alcoholism throughout her life.” He expressed gratitude that she “really explored that issue,” noting that many families living with alcoholism never confront it.
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In Stiller & Meara, Ben and Amy also examine the added difficulty of their parents’ lives being so intertwined professionally and personally. Amy recounts a childhood incident where she heard her parents rehearsing a sketch about “hating each other.” Weeks later, she was confused to hear them arguing for real. Ben asks Amy about this blurring of lines, which she jokes is part of what they are trying to figure out through the film.
Despite frequent “yelling” at home during his childhood and his parents eventually sleeping in separate rooms, Ben emphasizes that Jerry and Anne shared a deep love. He describes them as “very close but also very different.”
Ben admits he inherited more of his father’s personality, including a tendency to people-please. He shares an anecdote with his son Quin about a time he confronted Jerry about prioritizing fans over his children. Ben recalls speaking to his father on the street about feeling neglected when a fan approached, and Jerry immediately began chatting with them. Quin, laughing, shares a similar recent experience with his father, expressing frustration when Ben paused a conversation about Quin’s college stress to take a photo with a fan.
Stiller says that while he shares traits with his father, he grew up with a strong desire to forge his own identity outside his parents’ shadow. Jerry, known for The Ed Sullivan Show and later The King of Queens, and Anne, lauded for work in projects like The Other Woman, cast a significant influence. Ben tells Christine, “Part of me just wanted to distance myself from them.” Christine laughs at this, asserting that Ben is “totally contradicting” himself, as one or both of his parents frequently appeared in his projects. Ben’s quick retort: “Yeah. Because I wasn’t dumb, they were funny! And I was totally using them.”
