Love in Times of War
As I sit with Volodymyr, a 30-year-old unit commander and drone operator, in a narrow bunker, the harsh winter and the sound of nearby fighting create a stark contrast to the romantic atmosphere of Valentine’s Day. With a hint of humor, he jokes, “On February 14, I’ll buy a bottle of whiskey and celebrate it.” The cold is biting, with temperatures plummeting to nine degrees below zero, and the only solace is a small gas bottle that barely manages to warm our fingers. The squat next door is busily excavating the icy land, expanding their refuge against projectiles, a grim reminder of the reality of war.
In this unforgiving environment, Volodymyr’s partner, Roman, 23, focuses intently on his tablet, scanning for potential objectives. The war seems like a science fiction series, with conversations constantly interrupted by the detection of nearby targets. The scene unfolds like a well-rehearsed drama: run, throw the drone with explosives, and repeat. As a drone operator on the front line, Roman’s life is perilous, always a priority target for the enemy.
A Glimpse into the Life of a Soldier
A few weeks ago, I met Volodymyr, and he enthusiastically showed me photos of his wife, “the redhead.” His companions joked that no other woman could approach him, as his wife would never allow it. However, beneath his public image, Volodymyr is a complex individual. In his room, a garland sheds a warm light, creating a cozy atmosphere, and he apologizes for the disorder, despite everything being neatly collected. As we converse, his first impression blurs, revealing a shy smile, and he explains that he frequently seeks private space to be alone, a luxury he can ill afford in the midst of war.
Volodymyr’s history is marked by trauma: he first came to the front at 18, went through several combat areas, and suffered brain shocks. His parents disapproved of his decision to enlist, leading to a rift between them. Post-traumatic stress disorder haunted him, and it was his ex-wife who helped him overcome his reliance on pills. For Volodymyr, having the support of the person he loves is crucial, but his marriage did not survive the war. Distance and jealousy took their toll, leading to divorce.
The Struggle to Maintain Relationships
Roman, Volodymyr’s partner, faces similar challenges. He loves his wife and tries to call her every morning, but the distance and lack of common topics make conversations difficult. His wife sometimes gets angry, demanding more attention, and Roman admits that he struggles to balance his soldier’s routine with civil life. Love in war exists in fleeting moments: in hotels near the front, in WhatsApp messages, and in the glow of candles in empty rooms. It is a love that requires immense courage to nurture.
In the army, love is often met with envy, bad language, and stereotypes, especially for women. Phrases like “all women in the army are guys” or “they’re only here to hunt for husbands” can be damaging. However, it is in the war that some find the wisdom to preserve love. Yulia, a 36-year-old officer, has a patch on her military jacket that reads, “I will teach you, bastards, to appreciate my presence.” She is a woman in command, and her workspace has a distinctly female touch, with a love story in photos hanging on the wall.
Yulia’s story is one of unexpected love. She met her husband, a 28-year-old sniper, in the war, and their relationship has been marked by difficulties. Despite the challenges, Yulia is convinced that her husband will come alive, and she proudly shows a video of him preparing strong tea to stay awake during long battles. Their love story could be the script of a Hollywood movie, with the sniper entering her office without permission, only to be thrown out, and later, on his birthday, asking for her hand in marriage.
Love in the Midst of War
Inna, a 59-year-old soldier, tells her love story, which went viral on TikTok. She originally from Donetsk, helped as a volunteer at the beginning of the war, and met her future husband, Dmytro, a 28-year-old soldier, on social media. Their marriage did not last long, partly due to the pressure from his companions, who convinced her that she was not suitable for him. However, that failed marriage led her to enlist in the army, where she met her current partner, an instructor with whom she finally found peace and understanding.
As we part ways, Yulia reflects on what war has taught her: “Any time here can be the last. We no longer argue over nonsense. And I always tell my husband: I don’t care about material things; what we lose, we lose. As long as you are still alive, everything else can be overcome.” In the midst of war, love becomes a beacon of hope, a reminder that even in the darkest times, humanity can prevail.