Pop icon Madonna recently opened up about a truly dark period in her life. She confessed that she once considered taking her own life. This incredibly tough time happened during a heated custody fight over her son with ex-husband Guy Ritchie.
“There were moments in my life when I wanted to cut my arms,” Madonna, 67, shared on the “On Purpose With Jay Shetty” podcast on September 29. “I actually thought about suicide.” She admitted it might sound odd coming from her. “I’m not usually so emo, you know? But it felt like, ‘I just can’t take this pain anymore’.”
Madonna then spoke about how she now sees these difficult moments differently. She believes challenging events are lessons we are meant to learn from. They help us grow to a higher level of understanding. Seeing them as a lesson, not a punishment, helps change your outlook.
When asked what brought on those thoughts, Madonna said she tries not to blame anyone. She used to want revenge or to loudly declare that someone would get their comeuppance. But she’s moved past that way of thinking.
“I’d say one of the most painful times in my life, when I truly couldn’t see the forest for the trees, was during my son’s custody battle,” she explained. “My marriage didn’t work out, and many don’t. People marry the wrong person, or they’re just not right for each other. But someone trying to take my son away felt like I’d rather be killed. That’s honestly what I thought.”
She remembered being on tour during that time. She had to perform on stage every night. “I would just lie on my dressing room floor, crying,” she recalled. “I really thought it was the end of the world. I couldn’t handle it. I just couldn’t. But thankfully, I don’t feel that way anymore.”
Madonna and Guy Ritchie, 57, welcomed their son Rocco in 2000. They married that same year. Later, in 2006, they adopted David Banda after a humanitarian trip to Malawi. The adoption took two years to finalize in Malawi’s High Court, meaning David was three years old when he officially became their son.
In 2008, Madonna and Ritchie split, citing “irreconcilable differences.” After their divorce was finalized later that year, Madonna adopted Mercy, also from Malawi, in 2009. Madonna is also mom to Lourdes Leon, born in 1996 with then-partner Carlos Leon, and adopted twins Stella and Estere in 2017.
Beyond her personal struggles, Madonna also faced a major health crisis. She talked about suffering from a “bacterial infection” in 2023 while rehearsing for a tour.
“One minute I was alive and dancing, and the next I was in a hospital ICU,” Madonna shared. “I woke up after being unconscious for four days.” She left the hospital after they took her off the ventilator. She started breathing on her own, but she had sepsis, a condition that can be deadly.
Mayo Clinic explains that sepsis is a serious medical emergency. It happens when the body has a strong reaction to an infection. This reaction can cause organs to stop working correctly.
“Everyone recovers at a different speed,” she said. “I always saw myself as a superwoman.” She thought she would quickly bounce back and return to rehearsals. But she had no strength or energy. She couldn’t get out of bed and didn’t know when she would feel better.
Madonna credits her teacher’s message of “radical acceptance” with helping her through recovery.
“I used to talk to my teacher all the time,” she explained. “He would tell me, ‘The sooner you accept what is happening to you, and that you don’t know when it will end, the sooner it will end’.” That advice made a lot of sense to her, and she found it to be true.
She added that some people never fully recover their health after such an ordeal. “It’s the same idea, the same concept,” she said. “If you sit around feeling sorry for yourself, saying, ‘Woe is me, poor me. I don’t accept this, I won’t accept it,’ then you’ll just be swimming in suffering.”
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org.