Although giving and receiving dowry has been illegal in India since 1961, the bridegroom still expects cash, clothes, gold as gifts from the bride. Recently, a 27-year-old teacher from Bhopal appealed for police officers to be deployed and raided at marriage halls to stop this ‘social evil’ called dowry.
The woman, Gunjan Tiwari (pseudonym), told the BBC she was rejected by dozens of suitors because of dowry.
Last February her father invited a bride to their house for marriage. He took tea and breakfast to the guests in the living room while his father chatted with Patrapaksha. He described the moment as ‘awkward’.
He told the BBC on mobile, ‘Once you think everyone is looking at you at once. They are scrutinizing you. You are being judged.’
Even the subtleties of how Gunjan will appear in front of the groom are pre-planned. Her mother prefers a green color saree to make her daughter look more beautiful. Her mother forbids her to smile in front of the groom because her crooked teeth do not distract the groom.
Rumor has it that this is something he is very familiar with. He had to face this situation more than six times a year. The questions they asked are also very familiar. They asked about his educational qualification and work. He also asked if he could cook.
He said, before entering the living room, I heard my father asking the groom how much rupees they expected as dowry. They said that they are expecting 50 lakh to 60 lakh rupees as dowry. They jokingly said, ‘If your daughter is good looking, we will give you some discount.’
Gunjan was aware that the bridegroom would not give them any concessions regarding dowry while the marriage talks were going on. Because, they were questioning him about the forehead mole and crooked teeth.
At the end of the tea ceremony, Gunjan and Patra are allowed to talk separately. Then Gunjan told Patra that she did not want to marry because of dowry. In reply the husband tells her that he agrees with her and she says, ‘Dowry is a social disease’. Then I thought, ‘He is different from anyone I have ever met.’ But after a while he comes to know that Gunjan has been rejected.
She said, ‘My mother blamed me for this, blaming my anti-dowry stance. My mother was very angry with me. He didn’t even talk to me for two weeks.’
Rumor has it that her father and his family have searched for 100 to 150 pots over the past six years. Of these, more than two dozen pots have been met. But most of the grooms break the marriage due to dowry.
‘I lose my self-confidence after every rejection. But I have passed my post-graduation in mathematics and I am a teacher.’ said Gunjan
He said, ‘When I think rationally, I think – it’s not my fault. The blame lies with those who demand dowry. But sometimes I think – I have become a burden to the family.’
A study found that 90 percent of Indians pay dowry at the time of marriage, even though giving and receiving dowry has been illegal for over 60 years. From 1950 to 1999, more than a trillion dollars were paid as dowries.
And to pay this huge amount of dowry, parents had to take huge loans or sell land and houses. Which is a very familiar sight of the country. Even after paying this money, the happy life of the girl or the bride is not guaranteed.
According to data from the country’s National Crime Records Bureau, 35,493 housewives were murdered in India between 2017 and 2022. The main reason was insufficient dowry. In other words, 20 women lost their lives on average in a day for dowry.
According to the United Nations, about 400,000 female fetuses are aborted every year in the country due to prenatal gender screening tests. The main reason for this is dowry.
Gunjan wrote in a petition to Bhopal police chief Harinarayan Chari Mishra that the only solution to dowry ban is to raid marriage halls and arrest dowry givers and takers. Bringing them under punishment.
In this regard, Bhopal Police Chief Harinarayan Chari Mishra said, ‘Dowry is a social evil and we are committed to stop it. I have directed all police stations to provide proper assistance to any woman who approaches them.’
He further said, ‘Police have limitations, they cannot be present everywhere. But we need to change our mindset. Besides, we have to increase our awareness on this matter.’
Meanwhile, rumors say that he wants to get married. He said, ‘Life is very difficult to spend alone. But he is not willing to pay even one rupee as dowry for marriage.’
But meanwhile time is moving on, I am getting older. Because in the marriage market, a 25-year-old woman is considered old. Gunjan said.
He said, ‘Most of the grooms demand dowry of more than 50 lakh rupees for marriage. My father cannot afford to pay so much. He could not marry me even if he wanted to pay more than half of the dowry. I have caused trouble for the family.’
“My father said, I have been looking for a husband for you for six years but without dowry it is not possible to convince even a 60-year-old man to marry you.” said Gunjan. Source: BBC