Brandon Hatmaker, the pastor ex-husband of HGTV star Jen Hatmaker, has finally spoken out. He broke his silence years after Jen accused him of being unfaithful. Jen first shared details of his affair while promoting her memoir, Awake.
Jen’s new book has created a lot of buzz. "Many of you are new to our story," Brandon continued on Substack, noting people hear promotions, read articles, and watch interviews. "I’ve noticed some claims that only tell one part of the story." He felt that "without context, many things have been said," leaving readers or listeners to fill in the gaps. He chose Substack on Monday, September 22, to tell his side.
Brandon’s Confession
He opened his lengthy statement with a powerful line: "We are all bigger than our lowest moment." He added that "for those of us who live with the consequences of our actions, that can be hard to accept." He continued, "While I know this truth in my head, today I still struggle to truly believe it —for myself— in my heart."
"The worst moment of my life was my very public affair five years ago," Brandon wrote. He admitted causing immense pain and humiliation. Many people he loved felt deep confusion because of his actions.
Brandon described his marriage’s end as the "culmination of a three-year personal spiral." During that time, he said, he "lost my anchor, had no hope, and was more alone than ever in my life." He called that period the worst moment of his life. Reliving these events today is his second-worst experience. Seeing others he loves go through it again is even harder. He stated he has acknowledged his mistakes. He has made repairs and continues working on himself. He has worked hard to restore relationships and has started anew.
Jen and Brandon married when she was just 19. They built a family with five children. The couple even starred in HGTV’s ‘My Big Family Renovation.’ After 26 years of marriage, Jen revealed in 2020 that Brandon’s infidelity ended their relationship.
Setting the Record Straight
Brandon previously stayed quiet to avoid sounding like he was making excuses. "No excuses," he stated clearly. Yet, he wanted to offer context. He clarifies he didn’t just decide to have an affair. He didn’t fall out of love overnight. Their love had a "slow and painful end." He mourned his marriage privately years before their divorce.
"I want to be clear: I understand what it means to face the consequences of my actions," he wrote. "In no case do my circumstances justify my actions." He stressed his post was not meant to make excuses or justify anything. Instead, he simply wanted to "give context to some points that the vast majority, and almost all new followers, do not know."
He wrote that these points "do not change what I did." Still, he felt they "merit some important distinctions." This was especially true for things that might make people "look more critically at the church." Or make them "make assumptions about someone I love." He also wanted to avoid fueling anyone’s "discomfort or confusion."
Brandon acknowledged Jen’s right to share her story. "I don’t blame her for that," he said. However, he believes some important truths are missing. He suggests these omissions create a false story. Or they might overly dramatize certain parts. "I’m not saying what she wrote is false," he added. "I’m saying what is left unsaid is not her responsibility. The only one who can do it is me."
Fatherhood and Faith
Brandon also addressed claims Jen was the main parent. At their divorce, they had three adult children and two teenagers. He admitted changing their lives forever. But he insisted he "was always available, stayed involved, and always supported them… and continues to do so." Jen certainly helped them emotionally through the trauma of his infidelity. Yet, he also recalled "beautiful memories of sincere and honest conversations about it." He remains a father and always will be as appropriate. His greatest joy is seeing them as the strong, independent young adults he always hoped they would become.
He clarified leaving his church staff role in 2015. This was five years before his affair. He still cares for the church, despite his struggles with it. He considers it a point of dignity that he stepped down from church leadership "literally years before my extramarital relationship."
Church leadership can be tough, he reflected. He always aimed to teach with honesty, integrity, and empathy. But after a hard year leading, serious health issues, horrible family difficulties, and a traumatic experience where a close friend died (and he felt guilty), he lost hope. During a sermon in 2017, he felt a "total absence of hope" for the first time. He’s still trying to reconnect with his faith after that "last sermon."
The Fight for His Marriage
Brandon dismissed claims he didn’t fight for his marriage. He went to therapy alone for three years before the affair. He felt "invisible" in his marriage at that time. He met the person of his affair four months before it began.
He shared that his affair started in the same month he marked three years without physical intimacy. That same year, he spent a month at Milestones at Onsite. This Tennessee center offers residential trauma treatment. He called the intense, distraction-free, 12-hour-a-day individual and group therapy "life-changing."
A New Beginning
After the divorce, his focus turned to his children and his future. He later met Tina, his current wife. "She may have saved my life," he revealed, "not figuratively, but literally." He hopes to share her story someday. He also cleared up a common misunderstanding: Tina was not the person he had the affair with.
Brandon mused about Jen’s memoir. He estimated "less than 5%" discusses their divorce. He admitted it’s hard to see a painful scene shared five years later. "But it’s her story and she has the right to tell it," he concluded. He had thought any details not shared over those five years were for discretion. Or he thought they were deemed unnecessary, unhelpful, or unconstructive to share. "But here we are," he wrote. He now feels some revelations seem like a "pretty intentional hook."